Need advice on stubborn W

[SteveLW]

Seeking advice here from the vets before i make my next move:

My kids told me today that the W was talking to them about her moving out and coming up with a sort of arrangements of picking them up from school. All without my knowledge.
Should I confront her about it? I don’t like the fact that she’s talking to the kids about such serious matters behind my back. It seems like she’s hell bent on moving out.

My D6 told me she agreed to let my W do that because she thought it's only for 1 day. I told her it might not be that case and it kinda hit her like a truck and quickly said no she doesn't want that. My D4 told her vehemently no way she wants that to happen.

I don't agree to this action of hers; trying to gather consensus vote from the kids behind my back. I felt a lot of anger right now but I'm telling myself not to blow my top. I have to be calm and collected in face of this adversity.

Need some enlightenment on this please...

So what is the outcome you are looking for in confronting her? Do you think she will be remorseful, apologize and agree not to do it again? Or do you think she will be defiant, unapologetic and tell you to go kick rocks? Do you just want to express your dissatisfaction at her actions?

The reasons I ask these questions is that LBSs often think they can get the moral high ground in these exchanges. The problem is that the WAS doesn't care about who is right and who is wrong. They care about how they feel. She felt she needed to talk to the kids about this. You jumping up and down and screaming and yelling about it will not change that. And you have no power to enforce any "I don't like the fact that you are talking to the kids about serious matter behind my back". Her attitude is likely "So what! I can talk to my kids about anything I want!"

So think about outcomes, because you likely aren't going to get the outcome you desire. And confronting her on this may just make things worse.

So, IF she brings anything up about this "plan" you can tell her "Yes, D6 mentioned that you said something about this to her. I'd prefer if you and I discussed these things before involving the kids." Simple. To the point. Let's her know that you disagree with what she did. But it is non-confrontational, and it doesn't seem like you are coming down on her for it.

AK, what I can tell you is that if your sitch ends in D, there will be a lot of things you "don't like" and they you "do not agree with". Introducing your kids to an OM. Etc. If you make a federal case of every one of those then you will come across as weak and petty. Unless the kids are endangered in some way, then pick your battles. Is this discussion with your girls really a hill you want to die on?