I do need to take care of myself and probably will buy that plane ticket but my perspective has changed a bit since yesterday. I spent hours reading posts on the MLC thread and it has become clearer that this is what my W is experiencing. She had a hysterectomy 2.5 years ago and I think that was the catalyst. All of her behaviors over the past 2 years align with MLC actions. Then again, I could just be searching for the perfect answer to my ever present "why".
"searching for the 'why' answer" is a completely normal part of the process. Also - not super helpful - as it continues to put the focus on your W versus you. What is the healthiest for you? Buying that plane ticket or stay home for the holidays?
Originally Posted by Mar252
Her behaviors and reactions are a rollercoaster. For example, this morning she was sitting in the kitchen and I went over to her and said, "good morning" and kissed her on the forehead and just walked away. I have been trying my damndest to DB. I went back to the MBR, laid in bed and turned the news on.
10 minutes later she comes and sits on the bed besides me with a very pained look on her face and asks, "what is going on with you". My response, "I'm just trying to figure out how to do this". She starts a R conversation. I tried to validate as mush as possible. The gist of the conversation, she does not want a divorce but knows that our marriage is over. She doesn't know if she could ever give me the things I want, ie love, affection, trust, intimacy, sex, etc. I offered to leave for a while to give her space and she got angry. Told me she wasn't asking me to leave my home. I said I knew she wasn't asking I was offering. She said a couple of more things and I then asked her to tell me what she wanted. Big mistake, she yelled at me "don't ask me what I want". She caught herself and apologized for yelling. But it was the end of the conversation.
She really has no idea what she wants and I think she has a supreme emotional battle raging within. She does realize that something internally is not right but she can't overcome it. She went to a hormone specialist a couple of weeks ago and those were the test results we were looking at the other day. Some of her numbers were way off. I pray it's just some major hormonal imbalance that can be fixed.
The rollercoaster can be so painful. How do you get off the ride? What do you want Mar? Do you want to be married to someone who can't give intimacy, trust, affection, etc? My guess is probably not. I'm not saying to jump to a D here but I think there are some boundaries you can establish to protect yourself. What do you think those would be?
Originally Posted by Mar252
I think I need to stay and just be her Lighthouse. I do need to do some serious GAL but difficult with COVID and working from home. My area is talking about a resurgence and considering pulling back on recent openings. Maybe I will do a weekend getaway to my BF out of state. By the way, my BF is the only one that knows about my current sitch.
I think the swinging between leaving and going is completely normal. You don't have to make the decision to leave the home today but you can also be a lighthouse that takes care of yourself. What does that look like?
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
