Firstly I need to stop expecting so much from my wife during these early days, I need to stop looking for validation from her and stop the needy behaviours, I need to go with the flow more and find a right balance between showing her love and getting on with my own things.
Last night as the phone thing had been bugging me so much I asked my wife straight out if there had been any contact been her and the OM and she said no and handed me her phone to have a look. I told her I was concerned that she had pulled back a little and that was the reason I was asking and I said to her that it would take time for me to fully trust again.
I think Sandi2 has hit the nail on the head about how my wife is feeling right now and she is working through her conflicting feelings and the doubts she has about why she isn't feeling the way she wants to feel about me. She said that initially when she came back her feelings where really intense but have since calmed down a little and she has said her feelings right now are all over the place. She has been honest and said that she doesn't want to be with OM and wants to be with me but she did have feelings for OM and now that's over she is going through the motions of that ending. She has said that she does love me she knows that and the time she came back before she just was not ready as she still had a lot of anger towards me and the OM was still convincing her to be with him as they where still working together.
I assured her that it was normal how she was feeling right now and yes we both have our doubts and insecurities but we need to try and stop putting so much pressure on ourselves. She said she just doesn't feel there yet but is optimistic we can get through this together and she believes she will get there and she just needs time and that she is committed to the process. My wife did say it hadn't helped that i've smothered her and she just wants some normality between us (this is where I need to find the right balance) and for me to give her a little space.
