May,

There is a person on the MLC forum called Grace who is in the process of reconciling with her MLC husband after many years and something she said in one of her posts stood out to me in your situation: Grace's H recently moved back home, but they made the commitment to each other to only talk about the hard stuff in MC for the time being. That they would do their best during the week to avoid those hard conversations until they had the safe space to do so with a third party.

I know that you are not feeling very positive about MC right now, but what if it gave you and H the space to put things in check until you had that hour to discuss it with MC? Maybe two sessions a week would be necessary, but perhaps it could be a tool for both of you to table things in the moment, knowing you had an opportunity to discuss it later?

A lot of the reactions you are having are knee-jerk ones. Ask me how I know.... wink Often when I have slept on the emotion/thought/reflection, the power dissipates and I recognize that I don't really need to express it after all. If you had the accountability of a regularly-scheduled MC appointment, it might help with some of the intense pendulum-swings you are experiencing in reaction to H's alien-nice-sad-alien-nice guy.

From an outsider's perspective, H seems to be trying to the best of his current capability. And of course, you are too. What would it look like to push the yardstick out a lot further so the positive (or negative) benchmarks weren't in terms of hours and days, but more like weeks or months? Can you see H's efforts since last month? Can you see your own progress since last month? I can. But sometimes we are so mired in the trees, we can't see the forest.

All of this you know, but sometimes we need another opinion to help us see our path.

(((May)))

xx
S