WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Don't Want Divorce (2)

[BL42]

Last night I went over to my parents' house to string some outdoor lights I bought for their screened-in porch and my mother was crying. She's been hit very hard by my sitch, not just because her son is hurting but also she & W were extremely close (or at least we thought) for the first 8 years. As recently as December of last year they both took my son on a day trip to see a Disney show together and had a great time, but once BD hit she was completely cut out.

My mom is very emotional and having a harder time detaching than I am. Apparently she stopped by my W's former best friend's house (she was in our wedding) yesterday without my knowledge to talk and try to understand what happened. My W and her friend have not been in touch for close to 2 years now because my W informed her of her husband's infidelity and encouraged her to divorce him, yet she forgave him and they've been working on their relationship. Anyway, apparently my W has been bad-mouthing me behind my back to work colleagues for quite some time (years?) without my knowledge. Also bad mouthing my parents and sister, who have been NOTHING but warm and welcoming and generous to W since the day they met her. My wife's friend said she believes my mom those things were lies but that she's not surprised our marriage was ending based on what my W has said in the past (without saying it to me) and that W has had many issues (ADs, counseling) well before she met me. Her and her husband are glad W is out of their lives and said to stay away from W, W's mom, and W's grandmother (of course we can't do that completely as they can due to S5 and D2). Hearing these things brought out anger in me about my W - how could she say all of those things behind our backs? I supposed it gives me better understanding of her history, and helps validate/confirm it's not all me, but it's hard to understand how she could go 8 years with being nice and friendly to my family to our faces and then trash talk us to her colleagues. Can a person hide that long?!? It's hard to reconcile the person I knew to who I'm experiencing now and apparently what others have seen in the past. It also made me pity my W a bit because she's jumped into OM1 and now with OM2, neither of whom are men who are going to make her happy, if anyone can. I suspect in a year or two or more she's going to be just as unhappy either on her own or with another man who is not the father of her children.

Anyway, my mom has been caring for the kids a good bit and being S5's teacher (grandma school) on his virtual days, so he's been opening up to her. She shared he asked her to come to "mommy's house" to see his new fish and was so excited to show her, but she had to explain she couldn't because mommy moved away and doesn't want grandma coming over, and he teared up and cried and said "WHY, WHY?", and all my mom could say was she doesn't know and it's adult problems and we still love you very much.

So much pain and sadness for everyone involved in this whole situation...