I think the fact is - he is going to grieve. It is horrible, unpleasant and awful for you to witness. And while he is grieving, he really don't have much for you in terms of empathy or engagement. And that is horrible and unpleasant too.
I can only suggest what you don't want to do - which is to separate so you don't have to see his grieving and be triggered by it, and he doesn't need to deal with your (justified) anger and upset while he has grieving to do. You can't be husband and wife to each other right now. So you either deal with being housemates and expecting nothing from each other emotionally, or you separate.
That is hard, I know. And it isn't your fault that he can only offer 'housemate' while he himself is expecting 'wife'. But you can either go around in circles arguing about that, taking turns to be the jerk, or you can get out of the dynamic physically and let the time do what time does to the emotional process.
