Reconciliation Rollercoaster (part 5)

[Pommy99]

LH, I think the MC is very impartial and likes to challenge a way of thinking rather than state that "you did this". So in terms of him stating H had an affair, he actually said "what makes an affair of any kind an affair is the secrecy and the lies" - although he has called H's relationship an A from day 1 as that is how he sees it - which it was, right? Even H said himself yesterday he doesn't see it as an affair as it wasn't sexual.

I'm not looking for vindication at all. I have spent 18 months second-guessing myself, doubting my intuition, with H seemingly blinkered about how this other relationship impacted him, me and the marriage, and how it continues to impact. Do I have anger to process? Yes, I do, but I am trying to use MC as a structured environment in which to process it. Do I feel that my feelings are constantly quashed? Yes, I do, and again MC is a way of laying out my feelings and for MC to present them to H from a neutral standpoint.

I don't believe we are ganging up on H at all - H may disagree of course! I just think H is being made to face head-on some uncormfortable truths. How he chooses to process them is now down to him. I have left the last two MC sessions feeling like a weight has been lifted, that I do have a voice, and my feelings can be heard. H says he feels relief that this is all coming out. That he does want to talk about these things because he hates carrying round the burden and the guilt.

Who knows how this will pan out - but right now I just feel relief that someone is able to validate and ratify my feelings.