... prior to the separation we agreed that there would be no dating, just focusing on ourselves. I don't have any reason to believe that she would do otherwise and I am certainly not planning on dating or seeing anyone.
This is very wise, especially since you want to reconcile. I think it is a very good sign that the two of you both agreed to this in advance. I especially like the part that she said the two of you should focus on yourself. That means she is hopefully doing some internal self-examination as well. You too will be surprised with how she changed in the future!
Originally Posted by TimW10
She sent me a weird text earlier in the separation that read: "And I'm assuming if one day you decide you don't want to wait anymore and want to see someone you would tell me first, I had a dream last night you were dating and I was mad lol" ... What do you think this text meant?
I think it means she is more committed to getting back together than you wrote in your initial post. I hope you agreed with her!
Originally Posted by TimW10
... earlier on during our separation she texted: "I wonder why you never answer my texts. I find it frustrating to be honest."
My STBXW accused me of the same, after she walked out. Of course I had no idea that this was part of the list of complaints about me. Had I known, I would have answered them all! Instantly! But believe it or not, I was not a big texting type of guy then. Now I am!
Frankly, and I think many DBers would disagree with me here, I think you should become an awesome texter now. Don't send messages that are pitiable, but send her replies in real time with real information. Be honest, too, this bothered her. Remember, Michele says that she will notice small, consistent changes so consider this to be one of them.
Somehow, someway, she also needs to know that you are a working hard on being a better communicator as well as staying sober and remaining faithful to her. You might want to consider how to let her know without violating too many DB rules.
Here's one thought -- have you ever been the type to write notes to your children? Or better yet, give them each small notebooks that you can use for journaling back and forth to you. Your wife will eventually notice them and read what you write, and hopefully warm up to the man you really are again. The journaling should not necessarily be long, and for your younger child it can even be pictures you draw or something. The point here is that she sees how loving and sensitive you are to the kids. Because you know she will read them. Just a thought.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I would not advise making her jealous. In my experience it’s a heck of a lot easier for a woman to do that to a man. It is not often that a man can out jealousy war a woman.
I agree with Steve. Not just because you'll lose the battle, but because your having a sexual relationship is a big deal to her. You want her back, you should be willing to fix yourself in a multitude of ways, all the while proving to her that you can be celibate and wait for her.
That said, I recommended in my previous post that you find a "safe" woman to be a confidante. I still do. As for how you do it without making your wife jealous ... well ... ask a female cousin. Or a best friend's wife. All of those should be safe enough so if your wife saw the two of you, or someone else reported to her, you don't have to do any backpedaling.
Originally Posted by TimW10
As far as the AA, my sich is a little different as I am a mental health nurse and I would more than likely bump into a patient that I know. I do weekly IC and we talk about the alcohol issue every session.
Totally understand, just remember that you're not only doing the abstinence for you but for her, so just be sure that she knows how committed you are to being sober. As you no doubt know, all AA guys say things like "12 years 6 months sober" and if would seem to me that this is something she would like to hear as well.
