S2 is finally back to falling asleep without me having to sit in the room. What a relief. Bedtime for the last six weeks has been stressful and upsetting for both of us. He seems to have processed the 'kidnapping' (for lack of a better word) and has been happy to spend time with his dad during his regular daytime visits. So no lasting damage, I hope.
In some ways it's good that X has strung out the new custody agreement as it's given S2 a chance to settle. He still hasn't responded to my last email of almost two weeks ago. It's frustrating-- I've made it explicit that the increased time can start immediately while we work out future adjustments in the background. But still nothing.
I think he refuses to take the time offered so that he can simultaneously play the victim and dodge the parenting work required. Win-win for him, in his mind, but the only person losing is himself. He has now missed 32 potential weekly dinners and 8 potential overnights that I offered to start back in February.
Of course, S2 also loses out in this situation. I've definitely felt relief in the past that X hasn't tried harder to modify the agreement because I haven't wanted to lose time with my baby. But the older S2 gets and the more his cognitive and emotional abilities increase, the more concerned I feel about how his relationship with his dad is unfolding.
I suggested an arrangement in my last email that would make sure S2 sees him every four days. I also said if he didn't like that, we could be flexible and design an arrangement that suits him and is age-appropriate for S2. A combination of weekly overnights (after a transitional period), weekly dinners, and weekend time on X's schedule.
And still nothing. Not sure what else to do. It seems like he would rather completely forgo the time rather than make a compromise. It's like he has a pathological inability to 'lose'. To a selfish man, collaboration, cooperation, and compromise feels like defeat. What a sad way to live life.
