One other question I have. If my wife asks why I have not been contacting her or why I have been distant, how do I respond to this? One of the complaints she had was I was not engaged enough, that I had "checked out", and that rarely showed her affection. How do I show her these traits if I am supposed to be giving her space, time, and not pursuing?
She might never say it, Tim. But if she does, do what the other post said, say "You wanted space and I'm happy to give it to you. Yes, I think you needed it."
If the conversation continues, I recommend you might say things like:
* "Don't take my silence for lack of care. I've never cared more for you and the kids in my life." * "In case you're interested, I am working on communication with both my therapist and some new friends, who know just about everything that's happened." [This tells her you are being successful at communicating.] * "I've been working a lot on Tim 2.0. It's amazing what it's done to me."
If she asks you how you are feeling, be honest but not maudlin. You could say, "I have pain and I have joy. Not at the same time! But the pain goes away each day so that's good." And if you're a Christian man, there are biblical references that will help here. The ones in the OT and NT about being refined by fire, like gold in a furnace.
