Sorry to hear about the situation you are in at the present moment. Modern society has many of us going against nature thus the indecisiveness. I get why you're stuck, I would be too. You have pressure and influence from many directions including my post here.
I ask you to think as clearly as possible about the decision. Meditate on it, get other thoughts and feelings out of the way.
Heres my main concerns:
Originally Posted by Wolfman
I get very depressed and upset not having my daughter in my life, my GF told me I just need to forget about her and move on. That she doesn’t like to see me so upset and doesn’t want me to hurt anymore and to put my daughter behind me. I can’t do that, just give up on my daughter. The other dilemma I have is, my GF said once she found out that we need to get married right now and I do mean right now. She wanted us to g to town hall and get a marriage license. I said I wasn’t sure about that, she said either we get married or there is nothing. I told her why can’t we continue to work on our relationship and when WE are both ready then we get married. I even said what if we get engaged this way you can see I am committed and then get married. Oh by the way ladies she told me her engagement ring has to be a minimum 2.5 carats.
Read that over a few times.
Red flag 1 - she asks you to leave your own daughter behind for her. What does this say about how she cares about YOUR feelings and who is her concern here?
Red flag 2 - wanting you away from those you love to have you for herself. If you're away from your support system and daughter, all you have is her.
Red flag 3 - she's giving you an ultimatum, pressuring you before you're even married. What other ultimatums will you see? You'd be marrying out of guilt and responsibility, not for a peaceful loving relationship. Here she is again disregarding your feelings and concerns.
Red flag 4 - the ring must be 2.5 carats. Why? So she can brag, show off to others? Money and status is clearly important to her. What if you run low on money or status changes? What if she finds someone with more of either?
As men, IF the baby is ours (ask yourself, is it guaranteed its yours?), the right thing by society is to marry. In olden times thats fine. Now however much of the system is against the man and high earner. You know this already as you were there once. Imagine trying to get her to sign a prenup.
She may be worried, scared and wanting commitment because of the baby, I totally get that. Female nature and for good reason. If you aren't ready for marriage, give her committment but not marriage (not in writing or your state may consider it common law marriage), and help her through her insecurity. If she leaves you for not marrying her, wouldnt she be one to leave a marriage as well? Especially when she is incentivized to D as there is more to gain, i.e. child support, alimony and half your stuff.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
