So my wife dropped the bomb on July7. She asked me to find an apartment and the plan was to sell our home and for her to downsize to something smaller (we have had financial troubles over the last number of years due to this house) Unfortunatley, I agreed and I have been in an apartment since August 1. She will move into the new house with the kids this weekend. We have two kids age 9 and 4
The last couple of years have been especially difficult in our marriage and she expressed this to me before she dropped the bomb but I just didn't get it. She has been feeling alone, emotionally de tatched and distant, feels like I control her (which I do). The biggest mistake I made was I have been repeatedly dishonest with her and I have broken her trust deeply. No infidelity, but I was calling into work sick and then drinking in my car, lying about it and I came clean to her about this. She is still carrying this pain. Feel horrible and I wrote her a letter of responsibility to acknowledge my mistakes. She didn't respond to the letter. Anyways, she can't get past this pain that I have caused, I don't blame her. We still talk about the kids and business and we are cordial, but we have not spoken about the R. She has mentioned earlier on during the separation that she wants to be separated for at least a year, focus on herself and the kids. She needs time to heal. I keep on replaying in my head how I have destroyed my kids and wife's life and how I got to this point in my life. I'm trying to forgive myself but it's hard. Part of me feels that she is done but another part feels like maybe she still has hope for us(She brought a anniversary card the other day and we had a laugh about it)
I have been incorporating DB techniques throughout the last couple of weeks, However, I broke one of the rules yesterday, as I asked if she wanted to go for a walk with the dogs. She agreed, and it was nice to see her but she seemed cold when I dropped off the kids last evening. Again, no R talks. She also removed her wedding ring a couple of weeks ago. That one really hurt! And she is splitting up all or our accounts etc.. Anyways, seeking advice and encouragement. I am currently reading DR, working on myself, seeing a IC weekly. Haven't drank since she dropped the bomb, coming to terms with my childhood trauma (mom was a narcisistic abuser) and trying to stay positive about current sitch. My questions, How do I regain her trust? How do I show her that I have changed and that I am sorry about everything I have put her through if I am DB'ing. If there is a chance of reconciliation, how will I know, and do I reach out or do I let her? So many questions and I don't want to screw up my chances. Any help would be appreciated
