Dilly you are in such a good place, and I am so pleased for you - you deserve it. I can't imagine it being possible to be happy married to your H the way he is now and the way he has been for years. It is a shame for him, but it sounds like you detached yourself just in time to stop him dragging you down with you. And I do think it shows your progression and detachment that you can just feel sorry for him in his illness rather than be furious with him (though anger is plenty justified too!)
When you tell me about you H it is a lesson to me too. I'm prone to overwork, and retreating into work when I feel relationships are too difficult or life is too hard or scary or depressing. I don't want to end up like your H - unable to make a connection and a stranger to my children and resorting to blame or self pity or retreat rather than dealing with my own stuff. I think you have dealt with your own stuff, and that's why you have so much to give and are able to enjoy other people now, Dilly. I could HUG you! (And I'm not really a hugger!)
