Learning another language is an excellent idea. Good for you!
Originally Posted by PLC
A couple of weeks ago I mentioned he cleaned out the bedroom he’s living in and today decided to wash the bedding.
Why does this give me anxiety? Is he near the surface and sees the mess? Does he think to clean up to clear out?
It is hard to figure out why MLCers do what they do. H is cleaning because he feels like it. He went months without doing the laundry. It means nothing. They are in crisis. Time has little meaning to an emotionally trouble person.
They don’t care, are indifferent to almost everything from their old lives. Got to remember their emotions are cranked up to eleven, they can’t handle anything else.
Meals, laundry, whatever - there is always fast food somewhere, and they can just throw on a shirt or buy new. It’s strange behaviour from who they once were. H was a clean freak. Now, not so much.
Perhaps, he is having some moments of clarity and felt like having clean clothes and sheets. It’s a single data point for now. Longer term behaviours speak louder. Still, a good sign, for it is better than living like a teenager.
Is he cleaning because he is thinking of clearing out? If H was clearing out, having clean sheets would probably not be his top priority.
On to the important part - you. Why does this give you anxiety?
Fear.
H’s behaviour changed, he washed his clothes, cleaned his room, did his bedding. This is not his normal, and you therefore notice it and react. It’s ok, and quite normal to do that. We get used to their sullen hidden behaviour, and different is seen as “oh no, something is happening and it probably isn’t good”.
You get thrown for a loop because you imagine a poor outcome. Don’t worry, these reactions will pass.
H’s sudden cleaning triggered a fear within you. It’s not the cleaning, it’s the change of his norm, and the somewhat return to his clean-freak self, that triggered your worry over a possible future event.
Consider:
What is the future event?
What was the trigger?
What is the irrational tie between the two?
Understand that, and you understand your fear. That rationalizes your irrational response and lessens its power and hold upon you.
Note, irrational means not logical. It’s the emotional part of us, not the controlled logic and reason part. We utilize our rational self to find understanding into our emotional self.
Fear not, you’re doing fine my friend.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
