I'm going to guess you are correct on this. And... that is on HIM, not on you. He is the one with the communication issues (FFS, you guys are having regular conversations about your M and future and he can't spit out that he is having trouble??). Don't let him gaslight you on this by telling you that you should have seen the signs. He is reinventing the past to justify his own selfish choices.
Thanks, May, I needed validation here.
It is the gaslighting that is getting to me the most in all of my situation. Which is really at the root of me reaching out on this board. As you mention, I have no doubt that the truth from H has shifted and morphed and will continue to do so over the future weeks/months/years. I am not sure that I am really looking or waiting for the truth from him to allow me to move on.
I believe what I am reaching out for is validation, common experience (those GD scripts that seem to permeate all of our situations), stories and affirmation. I have been gaslit for so long, I don't trust my own bearing. This board is my own personal lighthouse, guiding me back to sanity and helping me recover my own deep sense of understanding, my intuition and the road to recovery of my personhood.
When I read something that someone says about their situation that is uncannily similar to mine, it helps contradict the gaslighting and pull me back into my center. Because really, what are the odds that so many people would hear the same thing from their spouses (ie heavy walking...ha.)
Originally Posted by may22
I can totally relate to wanting to KNOW. That is 100% me too. I will say that as difficult as all the revelations have been for me, knowing I wasn't crazy, seeing his behavior two years ago now through the lens of the A and him planning on his "escape" from the M so so long ago... it does help, reading the scripts here, understanding the mental gymnastics that allowed him to justify his own behavior by demonizing me. So I totally, totally get it.
I believe in a few things right now, though tentatively:
1. I won't likely get revelations or the truth from H 2. I don't believe I was (or currently am) crazy 3. I can move on without H's permission; I can move on without answers or an 'aha!' moment 4. I will likely be fine in the long term, thought I am struggling mightily now
And the second allure of this board for me are little gems like this (thanks LH! xx):
Originally Posted by LH19
There is no doubt what happen to you is a terrible thing for you and your children but I think in the future you will start to see things more clearly and be thankful he ripped the band aid right off. Would you rather have one of these flip floppy WAS where the LBS has to keep reliving the pain and heartache?
It will get easier I promise you but you have to let go of the fact that you are most likely never going to understand what happened.
I can't fully digest them when I initially receive these messages, but as the months unfold, I see the veracity in them and they bring a lot of comfort.
Thank you both for responding to my plea for guidance. I am eternally grateful for the conversation.
