Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity

[DnJ]

Good Morning cardinal

I agree with bttrfly, you sounds strong and confident.

Congratulations with the teaching job. Yes, it’s a bit nerve racking starting a new job - you’ll do great!

The insurance plan: Having your own plan is a good idea. The only downside, is that some plans have a waiting period before certain benefits kick in, or activate. Considering that, the sooner you start the better.

Glad to see this month’s splitting rent/expenses went ok. I do understand the feelings of resentment of looking after everything while the roommate does little of the hands on maintenance stuff. Ah, feelings. They’ll fade. You wisely know H’s current state; remember expectations will cause resentment.

Your advisor is right - your future, pension, etc. H will change his mind a bunch between now and tax filing time. Keep your side of the street clean.

More and more I think it's about my coming to a place where I am ready to embrace the future and build my new life, but I can't fully do that while living with H. I can't get access to our savings statements, because the account has always been in his name--that continues to be an intermittent source of frustration too.

Can’t vs won’t.

Your mind is listening.

You can embrace your future and build a new life, even with H underfoot. It’s difficult, sure, it’s not impossible. Please do not limit yourself with “can’t”; those kind of ideas have a way of getting into one’s beliefs.

The saving account, is a problem. Is the account solely in his name? If so, and it is suppose to joint... That will take some finesse or legal action. I’d start with the former and see where things go.

I'm still feeling like I might have filed if I wasn't afraid of losing money to L.

Two things: Rationalize your fear, it’s holding you back, paralyzing you. Money spent on a L is not lost, it is invested in your future. Second, listen to your feelings but do not following them regarding filing or any major decisions. Look to logic and reason and beliefs. Feelings change and when they do, so does your “reasons” for whatever action you took based upon them.

Be patient, let H walk his path, you walk your’s.

But I am still questioning how long I want to wait for H to file.

Expectations.

Are you looking to H filing? Are you looking to filing?

Right now I'm sort of planning to check in with myself in December. I think, really, is H going to go through another wedding anniversary without filing, another whole year when he is set on "separating" himself from me by filing taxes singly next year? Sigh. I'm not holding my breath that he's going to take any action (like MO or filing) on his side in the next few months

Lots of timeframes and deadlines here.

I do think I can be open to any future possibilities with H whether we are D or not.

Hope is without a timeframe or deadline.

Ensure your financial security and keep moving forward. Do be open to the possibilities, to hope.

...but I guess I can't predict the future, can I?

The future is unknown. And yes, you are quite correct - predicting the future, one of the few things that are truly “can’t”.

For what it’s worth, be patient, it’s too early to tell which way H is going to go.

D