I would like to plan a trip with the children in the coming months and honestly, the way he is now I’d rather would like to go without him. How do you deal with this?
Just plan the trip and go without him! I would just be honest and inform him that you are taking the kids to [location] from [this date to this date].
Originally Posted by Eagle3
He asked if we maybe would come over the end of the year for a week to the other country. I know he now asks this because it is ‘his duty’ to ask us since we are his family. Not because he wants us to be there. I thought to let my children go without me but they don’t want to do that. They only want to go if I go with them. I can see they are often afraid of his crazy behaviour and drinking. Same thing with the skype sessions we do twice a week. He expects to have this with all of us, but since I’m “his friend” now and not his wife, is it a good thing to always be available for him? (the children also want me to be there)
I would suggest avoiding mind-reading. He invites you, if you want to go, then go. if you don't want to go, then don't go. The children don't want to go without you and you don't want to go anyway, then don't go! Don't do his work for him. If he truly values spending time with children, he will move mountains to do that. Skype calls - you can explain to the children that you will be right there physically but won't engage on the call. If the children don't want to speak with him without you actually on the call, then maybe the call should not be forced upon them. When my H calls to talk to the kids, I put it on speaker and I just do stuff around the house when they talk to each other.
It sounds like you may have difficulties enforcing your boundaries. There are many great threads to read on that topic.
