I posted some of this on the MLC forum, but also wanted to put this here on Newcomers, because I don't think I am alone in what I have experienced and I am always so appreciative of people's wisdom, experience and advice.
H told me the other day when we were talking about the fact that I didn't see this coming, that I felt blindsided by all of this: 'that's the reason; you didn't pay attention to the signs.'
Despite me checking in regularly with him to make sure he and we were both happy, heading in the direction we both wanted etc. We have always had at least one very intentional 'state of the union' and goal-making sessions a year, where we would go away for a night or two and talk about all the things going right and wrong in our life and what to do about them. We also were honest (or so I thought) about our deepest feelings with and toward one another on a regular basis.
I asked him how I was supposed to know if every time we had a conversation, he said 'things are fine, I'm just stressed-tired-overwhelmed with work' and then we would go on to make big plans like travel or a major home remodel. Was I supposed to mind read?
I am sure that the OW had a hold on him long before I thought she did. I just wish he could be honest about it all so I could truly move on.
I know that questioning this is likely an exercise in futility, but finding some common ground with others in this same situation makes me feel more grounded and less crazy.
