You did what society programs us to do and what you thought was right. We can all go back and pinpoint things we could've done differently. You can probably go back even further and say "I shouldve gave in here, stopped a fight there, went on another vacation". Maybe in both our sitches a better T would've fixed things. The possibilities are endless. What we know is you made commitments and vows, and are honoring them. She chose to leave and has something broken in her which was there before you and if things progress they will be there after you until/if she self reflects and gets help.
We can all beat ourselves up but it doesnt help. We'll all go through the phase(s) of doing it but please dont stay in that mindset too long. It helps to go back and reflect so you can change however blaming yourself for both her mistakes and your own doesnt help. You like every other person made mistakes and many of which shouldn't be marriage ending. She has lied and manipulated quite a bit in the last year and it can be easy to be convinced that you're in the wrong. Take on you mistakes, learn from them, work on forgiving yourself and dont take on her blame. Leave that for her.
One day at a time!
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
