Also - my ex wasn't any kind of a drinker, but I do suspect he had a very mild form of bipolar disorder. He had infrequent "blue" periods in his younger days, and lived most of his life in a hypomanic state - very energetic and effective. In his forties the "highs" became a little more irrational, a little more pressured, a little more like a train barrelling down the tracks that can't stop. I think his multiple concussions in his 40's made this worse. But his underlying issue was an essential inability to be satisfied - he had a great career, lovely home, wonderful kids, loving and attentive wife, but nothing was ever enough - it was like he always had to have some challenge or adventure or eventually OW to make him feel better.
I look at my marriage now and can see the good parts - we made a good team in many ways, and our sex life was good always. But I also see how I was probably the ideal spouse for HIM, as I have a strong sense of self and was not phased by his negativity and criticism. It's so nice now though, not walking on eggshells around a difficult person who has trouble being happy. And every man I have dated since my divorce has valued me more than my ex has, and none have tried to change me. It's nice being appreciated for who I am.
