Dear KML,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

I think I may have not formulated it correctly. No, he never had depressive episodes before MLC, at least not since I met him. He did see a psychiatrist when he was young for a few years as back then he had much difficulties with the divorce of his parents and a close relative who died. (never took medication) He was very rebellious when young and teenager as well. When I met him he was still very rebellious but as years went by he found a sort of piece with me and the children.

When I see him now I always compare to how he was back then. I see the exact same person as when I met him. I saw this behaviour in January and now I see this again. He is like a teenager all over again.

He was never an alcoholic but when he started drinking he couldn't stop until he was quite drunk but at least stopped then. This only happened during weekends, he had a fix rule of not drinking during the week which he introduced again since he came home. (although he doesn’t always stick to it)
The difference is that when he drinks now, it is much more than before so in my opinion it is definitely an exaggeration.

Thank you for sharing the thoughts of your children as well. I’m doubting if what I’m doing, and that is standing for my marriage, is also the best solution for them. They don’t have any doubts about me being there for them, I’m sure, and I know this is indeed what they need and what I say very often to them.
The strange thing is that since BD, I went through a rollercoaster of emotions but since a couple of months now I'm strong enough to handle every situation, it's actually amazing how much strength I feel.

Financially we do not have any issues. We both have good jobs and saved a lot during the years. He also used to love spending money before his MLC, so since his MLC started he became the opposite of himself and actually became stingy (don’t know if that’s the correct word 😊).

I have a question for you if I may. Did you ever realized that your husband was going to have a relapse, if you look back now? This must have been extremely hard…