Reconciliation Rollercoaster (part 5)

[Pommy99]

Do you have any actual proof of him doing it?

I have proof of the phone call and we have , together, blocked her on his phone and SM.

What has happened in the last 3 days however, I started to type it yesterday and deleted it. As I typed it I felt like what has happened tells me all I need to know. I felt you guys would tell me the same. Maybe I am in denial and too scared to admit it. Right now, things aren’t good.

H and agreed we would deal with the NC on Sunday (yesterday). We hadn’t discussed what to say and how, but we would do it together.
On Saturday H had a day out which started with a 2 hr drive. After about 4 hrs I checked his iPad to see if he was where he said he was going - he was. But I also checked FaceTime and there was a call a couple of hours previously from OW. It was only 22 secs. I sent him a text to ask if he had met up with her or had spoken to her. He denied it. Several times. He called me and still denied having spoken to her. I sent him the screenshot. He admitted she had called him and he had told her he no longer wanted to be in contact . I didn’t believe him. I said how did she know it was ok to call him on this particular Saturday when every other Saturday he would be with me. And why did he lie? After the call I sent him a text telling him I would like him to move out because I no longer wanted to be married to a liar. He replied that he was trying to do the right thing by breaking contact. He said he wanted to talk when he got back and I said no point, she’s welcome to you. I could see he then left the event that he was at and started to drive home (I know he was with a male friend as he sent me some photos). He called me and admitted that he had made the first call to OW and broke contact, that he didn’t just want to do it on text given her illness but he didn’t think I would agree to him calling her so he did it without telling me. His plan was that we would then still do the message the following day where he told her he was ending their friendship. But his plan was also that he wouldn’t tell me he had called her. He had also told her that he would be following up his call the next day with a text because he wanted me to see that he was genu8nely breaking contact. Apparently she told him not to send a text and got really angry with him. So Saturday night I was fuming, I had no reason to believe anything that he said, that maybe he wouldn’t be sending the text because he hadn’t actually broken contact. I had no closure, it was all about protecting her feelings because she started chemo today.

On Sunday morning he said he had jumped in the car to come home because me telling him it was over really frightened him. He got home and I was out for 4 hrs and he felt really afraid and lost. I took all of this with a pinch of salt. He said he would show me his commitment by blocking her. I felt he had made me look stupid as she would know I didn’t know he had called but that he was going to send her a text the next day to appease me. We tried to have a nice day, even though I was so angry about him shutting me out of s9mething we had agreed to do together. His argument was that I would never have agreed to him calling her.

Today has been awful, I don’t believe a word he tells me anymore, yet he is adamant he did break contact on Saturday . He asked me this morning if I wanted him to send the text. I said I would think on it. This afternoon I said I do need that closure, so yes, send the text. It was then apparent that he didn’t want to do it, didn’t want to rub her nose in it, because she started her chemotherapy today. He offered me full access to his phone and computer, spot check, anytime, anyplac, but that he would send the text if I really wanted him to. I said if it was going to cause more tension and resentment between us then no, not to send it. So we then spend while deleting her and blocking her.

There is very little love between us right now. He doesn’t like the angry, sarcastic b1tch that I was on Saturday night and I don’t like the liar that seems to always make me have to suck up my feelings, whereas OW is protected. I know her circumstances are bad - I’m trying to be sympathetic to that. So we ended up having a talk about where we go from here and I have to say he sounds completely ambivalent, and so did I (even though I was probably pretending I wasn’t sure, just because I don’t want to be treated like a doormat).

I have to say, we seem to have gone backwards a long long way.