I saw that in your post that you "definitely" know w is in an EA with OW. Is this because you are snooping, recording her again or do you just have that gut feeling? If you are snooping... stop. The reality is that you can't control what your wife does. You can't control who she talks to. You can certainly ask... which you did and she said no... so now what? What are your boundaries around this issue?
Valeska19 - Thank you so much for your response. I occasionally look at the phone bill, but you are right I need to stop. It does me no good. Honestly there is no need to. I've known my W for 25 yrs and I know in my heart and soul that she is still lying to me. You are absolutely on point when you mention boundaries. My lack of adequate boundaries over the course of our entire R has been the core issue of most of our disagreements. I believe this is my primary problem. I need more guidance to learn how to develop them appropriately.
Originally Posted by Valeska19
That's valid... so let's put the effort on you instead. What do you think you could have done better in your M? What were your wife's complaints?
I realize I have made a lot of mistakes and have many 180's to work on. She and I have both hurt each other throughout the years. We both have/had childhood issues that we needed to resolve. It was the initial reason we mutually agreed to attend MC. Unfortunately, we did not have the right T.
I hope to find another IC for myself soon. Also looking forward to the guidance offered here from those that have already weathered similar storms.
