[job]

The reason that I say "replay" is because of his actions. What you posted basically described someone who is confused and in crisis, and yes, depressed,, i.e, the drinking, living far from home and has admitted he is a cold person. He is very much down on himself and doesn't want to be around the people he has known and loved.

The replay, depression/withdrawal go hand in hand. He's living in another country and he is trying to find himself. He is at the moment self medicating w/the alcohol. He may very well be in the deep, dark depression, but still in replay. Try to remember that the stages are linear. They can bounce back and forth many times until they confront their issues and accept the things that they cannot change.

Some of them do make an attempt to come home for a period of time and then run again. Why? Because in their minds they are warming back up to the spouse/companion and don't feel comfortable in their own skin. Of course, guilt and shame also play a factor in how they feel about themselves and what they've done. They also use the time at home to compare the ow/om to the spouse, but in the end, until the crisis is over, they will feel "trapped" or suffocated" living in the home and will have that need to run. Some live in the same city, others a town over and some move across the country or to another land. They will attempt many things and find that nothing will feel right until the crisis ends.

I would continue to listen and do not offer up advice unless he asks for it. Be a friend, don't push for info. Just listen.

BTW, did you read the links in the Resources thread? Lots of valuable info in those threads.