Pommy What I mean by you wanting to set boundaries for him is that it seems you are trying to set boundaries as a way to control his behavior. That ideally you would like him to do x, y, z. So you want to say "H... if you do x... I will do Y", but the problem is when he does X - you DON'T do Y. That's why its a form of control and manipulation verses a boundary.
It does seem like your heart is crying to you to stop the pain. I think it is telling you that his continuing lies and excuses are hurting you. That you really don't want to share a relationship with H as long as their is an OW. But you keep looking to him to stop the pain verses you stopping it. Pommy how do you stop the pain?
I know that it may seem like all or nothing... but that's a big step and maybe one that you aren't ready for at this time. But what about little small boundaries that you can set? Maybe not engaging in "wife like behaviors". or maybe no future talks? Maybe stop talking about AP? Maybe stop reassuring him? Maybe detach?
Btw - you don't have to tell H any of these things... you just do them. Boundaries are actions not words - IMO.
I totally agree with LH about space because when you are in the thick of everything... when do you have time to just feel? to just process? To allow space for that anger and betrayal that you feel in your heart? How can give proper respect to those feelings when H is always consuming your time and energy?
((Pommy))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
