I too fall too quickly in the loving wife trap. It has taken me a long time to discover my boundaries and truly understand that boundaries can be another form of being nice. In fact, once those boundaries are in place, you have a lot more room to be a kind and loving person because you protected within the confines of those clear boundaries.
What are some boundaries you could put into place to protect your heart right now? Are you seeing an IC or could your MC help you come up with ways that you could build an emotionally safe space within your M to find the answer you need as to whether or not you can move forward?
I see you putting a lot of weight on H to help you make a decision as to whether or not you are able or willing to continue with the MR. It is clear that he simply cannot make this decision for you and will continue to waffle under the weight of it. In fact, it is not fair of him to make that decision for you. May is working on the same thing in her situation, only in the other direction (H wanting HER to make the decision). Maybe re-read some of the advice shared on her thread to see if you can find a direction that resonates with you?
