Journey of me and H Part 1

[DnJ]

Good Morning PLC

Your H’s behaviour is new, yes? He before would not just leave 80% of the time without telling anyone where he was going or what he was doing, right?

He is emotionally troubled. Lost. Confused. Desperate. In crisis.

It is difficult to realize the irrationality driving his behaviour and decisions. Almost everything he does is based upon how he feels.

I looked back at our marriage and we did not have any screaming arguments. We still have not had any. During our marriage, H would have a surge of anger but he would explode and that would be it. I would avoid.

This may be something to consider changing if (hopefully when) H turns back. A new R will be crafted, and you have many more tools within your toolbox now. This of course is a long ways off; be patient.

It seems that that is the pace for this MLC. No conflict. He is just coasting in and out.

Some MLCers burn white hot and are so very angry, others coast along. It’s ok. One needs to be calm to hear their inner voice(s). Angry MLCers, those screaming jerks, don’t have as much opportunity to hear. Let’s hope H is listening during these moments of clarity.

I wonder if he has an inkling about anything about this sitch. He will speak with me, ask follow up questions next time we cross paths.

They do realize their lives, their mess, when they are calm and not running. H is showing some calmness, some moments of clarity. Showing a bit of his old self. It’s very important you do not crush him. Demanded answers or explanations or so forth, will have that timid scared squirrel running in the opposite direction.

This is a long road! Be patient and then dig for more. Remember this is a marathon.

H is still very much in two worlds. Very much confused. He will be desperate to find a blame for all this, you don’t want to make that you. Time and space, roommate, GAL, all allow the MLCer to see that the LBS is not the source of their torment.

Note: MLCer’s look for a blame, not a reason for their pain. LBS Look for reason. Seeing accurately helps when living/dealing with an irrational person. You cannot reason with H, not yet.

I have really been treating him as a roommate, I am standing. When I GAL, I will see a little reaction, I know it’s working, it’s just not an overt reaction.

Good. Continue, treat him as a roommate.

A live-in MLCer is difficult, for they are there. However, one can see the MLCer’s behaviour and they can see your light shinning. Everything has a positive and negative to it.

You are doing very well.

D