[may22]

Hi Scout,

Just reinforcing the message from the others above, in terms of not taking his bait. I also, though, agree with Gerda and Unchien that this whole path of what is happening is not something to take lightly, both from a legal and a safety perspective.

Your H has shown zero ability or interest in being a parent all along. Some of the others here whose exes are being a-holes in the custody process (like Unchien's) at the very least has years under her belt of demonstrating how much she loves her kids. Maybe I'm being unkind or just not remembering, but I'm having a difficult time recalling a time reading about your ex being a good dad, really wanting to be a dad, loving your S unconditionally, having any inclination to subsume his own desires or priorities in the best interests of your S.

I absolutely agree that not engaging and arguing is important, but stating clearly your stance and documenting his injuries, skipped visits, etc is also important-- hopefully, possibly, it isn't needed. But just in case. I had a situation many years ago with a colleague who was a truly awful person (drank on the job, etc) and was sued at work by another colleague. Turned out she had kept very detailed (and completely false) journals but since no-one else had written down the dates/times of incidents, she basically got the case dismissed. I have always, always kept detailed memos on personnel issues following that situation. You've always been so good in underscoring that D is not a team sport, that it is the untangling of a business partnership. This is just the hardest part.

Finally, not to mindread, but the "helicopter parent" comment might also just be a reflection of his own insecurities given the injuries S2 sustained while with him-- I could imagine your ex feeling defensive about that and "helicopter parenting" is a reflexive pushback on that.

I am constantly amazed on how you're able to rise above, over and over.