[Rita]

I was going to write the same thing as Sage did. I have literal mountains of e-mails from my H criticizing my homemaking, parenting, cooking, etc. He even told the judge it was my fault that our place appraised lower than he thought because I didn't clean well. My son hasn't spoken to him in over a year, and he still doesn't think there is anything wrong with his parenting or approach to divorce. I was wondering why it was that you saw through the lies with everything else and not with this. In fact, I would push a little farther than Sage, because I am like you, my children are all to me, so I am self conscious about my parenting, esp since I definitely am not perfect! (Just wait til S2 is a teen!) But because of that I take it too personally before I get my head screwed back on. So I just want to push you to be strong and tough so that you also don't get confused when he is a bad parent. What you described about S2 from the last visit is extremely alarming, as is the "kidnapping." If anything worse happened, those things would be evidence, not something to shrug off. So I think you have to be razor sharp and crystal clear about your parenting so that you don't lose any confidence to protect S2 from his.

Here's a good metaphor to keep in your brain -- my H has literally done no parenting or providing in many years. He didn't even know where our kids were going to school, has no idea about who their doctor is, doesn't see or speak to my son (son refuses) and has moved four times to different states since Covid started, not seeing our D for months at a time. He thinks I am making up their disabilities, though my D has extremely obvious learning issues and the DoE in my city pays for a private school for my son because of his emotional troubles being so severe. H does not give me child support and is taking advantage of a court order delay to keep not paying it. He not only doesn't cover their housing costs but is trying to sell our house while we live in it, though I use the rentals below to pay the mortgage and will have to move out of the city if I have to sell. He is to my mind abusive to my daughter, commenting constantly on her appearance and her weight when he does see her and tying her in knots by criticizing me, etc. But when I filed my taxes recently, married filing singly because he was so furious that I filed jointly last year, i got a message from the IRS that I couldn't claim my children as dependents because someone else already did.

I had a court conference that week but I decided to stay silent, focus on my goal of settling the property and write to the IRS with all the proof needed to restore my deduction and take his away. I am going to let the IRS handle it, and boy oh boy will that be an ugly penalty for him.

So try to do that same thing with these accusations. You are a way better parent than I am, based on what you have said. Know your rights and obligations, document everything, and don't engage an irrational man who wants to destroy a good woman to assuage his own guilt.

And remember, I say that as a woman who does not regret standing for seven years. I believe in restoration. But until MLC ends, you have to be a she-wolf for your kids.