Can I share a gentle 2x4? You are so incredibly good at not taking any of STBX's bait in all departments, except where it comes to S2. He has lost ALL power over you in every other department. Don't ruminate for a minute about your excellent parenting just because STBX provokes. It's the last marionette-line he has on you. Snip it, girl.
Everything you have written about your parenting style, your approach to challenging situations and the way you communicate with S tells me you are a stellar mama. Backed up by your daycare. Your S's manners, advance verbal capacity and emotional intelligence is because of YOU.
You have 16 years of co-parenting ahead of you. Don't train STBX that you will take any of his shite when it comes to his interpretation of your excellent parenting. A simple 'thank you, I will keep an eye out for that' should suffice in 99% of your interactions with STBX.
Also, I question STBX's comment about the helicopter parenting. That observation seems highly articulate for a parent whom you could still count time spent with S in hours over the past 12 months. You have to be a very invested parent (reading articles and books, understanding deep parenting issues) to be able to throw that accusation. It sounds like a seed someone else would plant in his head (MIL comes to mind). Ignore it and move on.
