Thanks kk, 40 minutes of bedtime tears from both boys, not understand why this is happening with them, s6 devastated, so many questions.
I feel so sad for them.
Re H i would usually feel for him, and i could have offered him to stay, but i didnt. I have already set the boundary and tbh i could do with the space from him.
Ow lives with mum and dad! I dont even believe he stayed there. Thats a very strange set up! Considering the amount of money he spends on outings with her.
So many thoughts right now. I pushed to tell the boys, i dont know if it was right but its done now, devastation is caused and whilst our speech was very to the point, the questions to me at bedtime unraveled the story for the kids, they know that h chose to leave, i have tried to reassure as much as i could, dont know if I did a good job or not. His reassurance seems to be around getting the kids excited about having two gardens and so on, new toys. And thats great, but they cant be constantly distracted with new stuff, someone needs to talk them through their feelings.
Getting The house valued tomorrow and have an appt with fin.advisor on Thursday. That shoUld provide a full picture of where im at and what i can afford.
6 months tomorrow, im half way there. I have given all this to play out until march 2021. From where we are now things wont change, he wont change. He wont fight for our marriage. And thats fine, i will be fine with that, in getting there.
Gigi - I'm so sorry, that must have been soooo hard for you to watch your kids feeling sad. After we told the boys (more like me, even though H was there he barely said anything), I did some research and bought a few books that have a divorce storyline and read them to my boys. I don't know if that helped, but I just wanted them to know that this happens to other families also. The best thing you can do it be the stable parent, keep reassuring them that you will always be there supporting them forever.
We havent mentioned d word, they are too little to understand the extent of what that means. I barely slept. I asked h yesterday to send me the address where his new amazing house and nothing.
But he has told the boys all about it and said maybe i can sell our big house and boys can live closer To his house (its not even his or a rental, its his sisters partners property)
H had the boys today and took them to his brothers, and my assumption would be that he would want to soend quality time with the boys after we told them because thats what i would want to do you know make sure they are ok, but he took Ow with him. I have no words anymore for this man really, im just grieving my husband who doesnt exist anymore and the sooner i go through the process the better.
I know that must be really painful to see your kids go through that. We haven't had a talk with mine just yet but they are all so confused and hurt. Just continue being there for them. You are their stability and I promise they will notice that.
Thanks Rachel, i think most of this is my emotions really And me feeling sorry for the kids thats it. They are handling things well and know they can speak to me and they do. I would suggest telling your kids, maybe something along the lines of, mummy and daddy dont get along very well and not living together at the moment. I actually feel a relief now that we have told them, it means i can stop lying to them, avoiding the truth. Things are simpler this way in terms of my relationship with them.
Hi Gigi, just chiming in to say that you are strong and capable and that it’s ok to feel everything you’re feeling right now. I struggled with projecting my thoughts and feelings on my children— it turned out that the things I was worried about didn’t come to pass and the things I didn’t expect did. Keep following your intuition, loving and supporting those kiddos and being the best Gigi you can be right now. I am sure that there is a lot of hurt, feelings of rejection and sadness that don’t translate into this forum, so I wanted to let you know that you are seen and we understand. ((Gigi))
Thank you Sage and you are right, i caught myself thinking all sort of things that could haven almost like writing the future and i had to stop myself and remind that life has this strange way of working and what i think might happen never will.
I have a question, so the place where my h was meant to stay didnt materialise or more so a very strange turn of events meant that it was no longer available, so this morning i woke up to h in the kitchen! He sais he txt asking if he could have a shower, i dodnt receive any txt, and i just woke up Anyways.
So i feel very cruel of course and sorry for him and i dont know what to do, do i just ignore the situation that he is sleeping in the car?! And not ask any questions? It do i just let it all go and let him be.
I have a question, so the place where my h was meant to stay didnt materialise or more so a very strange turn of events meant that it was no longer available, so this morning i woke up to h in the kitchen! He sais he txt asking if he could have a shower, i dodnt receive any txt, and i just woke up Anyways.
So i feel very cruel of course and sorry for him and i dont know what to do, do i just ignore the situation that he is sleeping in the car?! And not ask any questions? It do i just let it all go and let him be.
IMO - I wouldn't let him stay there. He's a grown man who can figure it out. Let him. To go back on your boundary would enable him and I don't think you want to do that.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
