Finding calm during the storm

[Kindly]

Thank you dejavu and wooba for your support and also reassurance that it does get better. Talking to a close friend is exactly what got me over this latest bump.

I am so fortunate to have a small loving circle of friends that are completely, unconditionally there for me. I’ve never been one to “need the help”...so I’m learning to allow people to be there for me when I’m low.

And then this site - it’s been priceless...the giving people on here...a community of people that only know each other through the words and pain of a confusing situation. It’s like an extended family...one that “fully gets it”. I’m grateful.

Re: your H having somewhere else to go. More than likely it is also someone else. I hate to say it but from what I have observed by being on this site is that men rarely leave their marriages unless they have a replacement.

I agree dejavu - his behaviour became darker and more distant. And then came “the parking of his toothbrush elsewhere“!!! Lol. Not funny but if you don’t laugh ....over the last two weeks or so he’s flown in for minutes to be gone again. I don’t even know what he’s coming back for right now. I have not entered his close door room in months so for all I know it’s completely cleared out.

Bringing the focus back to me. It’s been 2 weeks since Hs L threatened court and radio silence again. One week since I didn’t respond to Hs email about his agent and selling the house again ...radio silence, not a word spoken between us in prob a month. And then the missing toothbrush. Do I want to know where he is? Would that settle my mind or flare it up worse? Recon mission or continue to ignore...?

I am focusing on all my hobbies, getting out for hikes, doing very well at work and added extreme home maintenance to my list, learning to care for bigger things that I’ve never had to do before. Also, with the colder temps coming I have a LOT of work to do outside...I’m getting started now as I expect zero help.

While on Sage4’s site this made me think....

Kind and cordial is not an act. And neither is compassionate.

My mantra for the day. Thank you D!

I like this as a mantra too, however it’s feeling fake to me (me being kind and cordial) I feel like kind, cordial and compassion are deeply buried and have no opportunity to shine as H continues to treat me like a ghost. It’s there because I’m not holding onto hate...but then I realized maybe it’s not for H ....it’s for me right now.

I can show endless amounts of compassion toward or for someone else, but not myself.
I’m as kind as I can be always towards others, but not myself.

This has to change now! I remember Dnj saying our ‘self’ is always listening...I will work on changing the dialogue my self is hearing.

Other than that I’ll keep on keeping on. (((Free Hugs)))