I feel like I had an epiphany this week. It had to happen authentically and I couldn’t have reached this point any sooner. It’s weird but I just... suddenly stopped caring about how we got here. The affair, the lies, the abandonment, none of that matters. There are consequences for the way it happened, but I can’t let it can’t affect the way I shape my life or S2’s life.
Writing up this response about the custody arrangement has made me realise that parallel parenting is unsustainable long term. It was necessary for a while to protect myself from the emotional abuse. But if S2 is going to have peace and security in his life, I need to work towards some level of coparenting— with some ROCK SOLID boundaries in place.
X wrote things into the agreement that concerned me. Things that would be divisive and cultivate secrecy and discourage communication, not just between me and X but between S2 and his parents. I don’t agree with them and don’t want them enshrined in a legal document. I can’t control what he does but I can grease the wheels.
I want S2 to feel comfortable sharing his experiences with both of us. I want us both to have the option of attending his extracurricular and social activities. I want to ensure S2 feels safe and comfortable around his stepparents. I want to make provisions for switching days and times for special occasions. So I’ve adjusted the agreement to reflect this.
Doesn’t mean I want to be friends or even friendly with X. I’m half expecting his response to be more anger and spew that I’m trying to ingratiate myself into his life. To someone like X, collaboration and consideration feels like control. That’s never going to change. Thankfully, his opinion of me doesn’t matter in the slightest.
Just a side note: another BD memory that came up. X said that he had always been bothered by something I said throughout the years: that I never felt like I was good enough for him. I did say that sometimes because that’s how he made me feel. He brought it up one last time and asked me “why didn’t you ever try harder to be good enough?”
