Trying to keep hope

[MrBrside]

I'd going to wade into this good / bad person debate after reading the local paper/ social media last night...

Consequences plays a large part of it in my opinion. Or lack of thought to the consequences from the cheater ..

Some may not be outright evil / bad people, but their judgment is clouded and they think nothing of others - This comes back to the impact of these decisions on other people – and its far reaching.. Its not just the LBS – its kids, its family, social circles, etc .

3 months ago a very popular guy died from the local car club. I didn’t know him, as I only really follow the scene online since having children. A lot of my friends from when I was in the scene knew him and left lovely tributes.
No details were released, but I’ll never forget the tributes – this guy was loved by all..

Last night the inquest verdict hit the paper – Death by suicide – He hung himself. His mother released a statement stating that his wife of 8 years had started to voice her unhappiness 2 weeks before, then hit him with the usual lines and she wanted a divorce – He drove to his work place and hung himself – leaving kids behind.

Social media was lit up last night over this, and numerous people stating she ended it because of an affair.

She did not force this poor guy to kill himself, but her actions caused him to flip.

Does this make her a bad person ? – The consequences of her decisions and actions caused another person to end their life.. Leaving children without a father and a grieving mother without a Son.. Ok, she probably didn’t that would happen – but that’s the problem – these WW don’t think about anybody but themselves.

LH hits the nail on the head with his post on manipulation. Its very rare a WW just gives the LBS the truth.. They play games, they lie, they twist it…

Just as it seems rarer to see a walkaway – ive lost track of the amount of people who come here, thinking there is no affair, to then actually read up on stuff, dig and go – “hmmm yeah- WW is cheating”

Its all about self-preservation, selfish needs and getting away with it / getting their affair fix – regardless of the cost – to the kids, LBS, family – or their mental health.

I think the people on this board are fortune – we come here and to a degree, we find answers – probably not the answers we came here for ( ie what can I say to win WW back 99% of the time ), but although we will never understand WW, we understand that we are not alone etc – some people like the poor guy I mention above go to other extremes.

An undeniably bad person would be a rapist, a murderer etc – but at the same time, nobody forced the WW to act in the way they do.. If you don’t want to label them as bad, they are definitely not nice people – they are selfish people acting in a bad way.. and not people who add value to your life..

Indy, you have stated a lot of red flags about your WW – the issues with friends etc.. All bad traits – You don’t think shes bad – well reading in from the outside, she has lied, cheated and manipulated you – argue all you want, but in my eyes, its mental abuse - these are not qualities of a good person – that’s 100% fact..