Went to my IC for a session and told her about the current situation. She was saying that the only thing that me and my wife are still connected are the kids. I told her the past few weeks it felt like I was back the early stages of DDay. The IC agreed that whatever my wife is doing now is purely for her own benefits; kinda like a teenager.
My W is still slightly active in terms of the kids, nothing major, just spending a few minutes with them and off she goes to do her stuff.
I have been trying my best to detach because I'm very tired of analysing her actions and words. At this point in time, I don't even care if she has EA or PA. If she does have, that will be even better because that's my dealbreaker and I will have to start doing things to protect my kids and myself.
She is still spending a lot of money (her own money) for things to make herself feel better. A spanking new Pandora bracelet (back then she was saying it's a waste of money and now look who's talking...), a new phone with a new number (fishy fishy but who am i to judge?), new tattoos, etc, etc. These are things beyond my control so I'm keeping my mouth shut so I'm ranting here.
I don't see her hitting rock bottom anytime soon, it looks and feels like she's enjoying her life to the fullest!
On my side, I'm still spending all the time i have with my kids, bringing them out to play, cooking for them and taking care of them on a daily basis.
Back to the IC, she told me giving an open date to this situation has its pros and cons. Pros is that it will not pressure me to make any decisions out of emotions (doing nothing is something). Cons is that the resentment will keep building because she doesn't think my W is stopping her antics any time soon. Her advice to me is to keep working on myself and focus on the kids. The key thing is that whatever happens, we have to be aligned as co-parents; the marriage doesn't matter for now.
After reading so many posts in the forum, I still think I have a lot to change about myself. The advice here is counterintuitive and I have a hard time getting over it. But I believe this is for the better. As much as I would admit, my W is looking way better than she was previously because of all the makeup and change in fashion sense, I still feel a sense of revulsion whenever i see her getting ready to head out. I just can't shake off the feeling that she's such an ugly person in my world. Not sure if this is the right mindset here.
It's been 10 months since all of these hullabaloo. What a roller coaster ride.
M(36), W(36), D(6), D(4) M-7, T-8 Bomb Drop - Nov 28, 2019 W requested separation - Sep 30, 2020
