Light at the end of the tunnel

[may22]

Oh, U, this sounds so frustrating. Frustrating maybe isn't even the right word. Bone-deep soul-wrenching gut-churning frustration. I don't think anyone would know how to co-parent with this person.

Something struck me here:

For example, several months ago, she was suggesting I should not have weekdays with the kids because I couldn't pick them up at school every time, and I pointed out that the kids mentioned other parents were driving them home on her days, so I didn't see why if I needed help to pick them up sometimes it was a reason to limit my time. My X's reaction to this? She emailed one of the parents, said I have concerns and about who was picking up my kids and could she please respond so that I no longer had concerns.

Maybe you're already doing this, but it seems to me like the only way to avoid this kind of BS is to simply not engage. So when she says some ridiculous like you can't have weekdays because you can't pick them up at school every time, just acknowledge you heard her but restate what you want or think is right. There is no arguing with her, and everything you say is fuel to her. In my state on the child custody paperwork, you do have to agree who can drive your children-- at least you can both say you don't care, you can name people you both are comfortable with, or you need to get it OKed by the other parent. I'm not sure I totally get how she is able to have other people drive them around but you aren't, and if that won't be possible in the final paperwork then why bother engaging?

When you talk to her about the distance learning issue, remember you don't have to agree to anything in the moment, or even really respond. Maybe it is best to listen, thank her, tell her you'll think about it (in some nice non-confrontational way, wow, this is big, I'm glad you shared this with me, I need to think about it and will get back to you asap) and then disengage to give you some time to digest and decide.