Finances are completely settled. That is a separate proceeding that can occur prior to the legal divorce.
I’m not obligated to consider any changes to the current custody arrangement. I could just sit back and wait for him to force a change. However, it’s a good look for me to proactively facilitate the father-son relationship by offering increased time. Of course if I felt S2 was truly in danger, I would shut down all visitation and apply for sole custody. It’s extremely difficult to get sole custody here without evidence of physical abuse.
Unfortunately it is a bit of a game. If S2 was a couple of years older, I’d just call X’s bluff and agree to the time he wants immediately. His request is not unreasonable for a five year old. There are many factors making it unsuitable at this point in time - S2’s age, his ability to cope with transitions, his attachment to primary caregiver, the lack of overnight care to date, the level of conflict between parents, and the behavioural changes since the ‘kidnapping’ proving the need for a gradual transition.
Of course it should always be about what is best for the child. I didn’t choose to be a part time parent as X did, yet I’ve never put my own needs and wants before S2’s right to a relationship with his father. I’m confident in what I’m proposing and my ability to negotiate. I’ve worked hard to provide security and stability for S2, often at the expense of my own wellbeing, and I’m confident that I can continue doing that despite what happens when he’s with X.
I’m dealing with a man who told me his needs were more important than those of his infant son. Does a man like that deserve to be called a father and enjoy the fruits of my labour as a mother? I certainly have my opinion, but it’s not relevant to a court unless there is a supporting case with evidence. The best way to build that case is to give him the rope required to hang himself while exercising caution for S2’s sake.
