[Rita]

Scout, I have a bad feeling about this. I know what others here have said about dropping rope, etc. I think you should always drop the rope with everything about your M, the OW, everything else. But not the kids. I never ever could have imagined my H was capable of the things he has done the past seven years. What you knew of him is not him anymore. I think you should push very hard for a financial settlement, as quickly as you can. Don't make a custody arrangement yet. Get the financial stuff done and signed. Leave the custody as the last thing you have to do to divorce, and then have your many pages of records ready and have a lawyer who is an expert on childrens needs. That's the only thing that really matters, the financial stuff is important but really I am sure the only thing you really care about is your child. I personally would not want my kid on an overnight with that man until there had been supervised visits to start. From what you have listed, you definitely have grounds for concern and a court would see that. I remember all the things I brushed aside or didn't take seriously and looking back, how crazy those things sound now. Your list sounds pretty crazy to me from the outside.

But I think you do want to do the biz side without a lawyer if you can. So I would tell him that you understand his concerns about the visitation and that you understand his need for time to consider it, so you want to settle the financial stuff that you agree on now, and you can do the visitation last after he's had a chance to think it through. In the meantime, keep collecting that record and interview advocates for the children -- try to get someone as your lawyer who normally represents kids in a divorce so that s/he is a total expert on that.