I guess the truth is I'm scared, I'm scared he will walk away, I'm scared he wont be in my life. I'm scared of having to start over again at my age! I'm also scared of investing more time for nothing to come to fruition. I just want to sit in the here and now even H is telling me to sit with things now and not worry about what might or might not happen in 3 months. Why do I find this so hard to do?
You're finding this so hard to do because it IS hard! none of this DB stuff is easy. You recognize your fear. that is already a big step. We were all scared at one point. My fear still lingers sometimes. But you can learn to live with it. You can learn to take control of your life and not have fear impact your decisions. What is so scary if he walks away? Why is it so terrible that he won't be in your life? Isn't it scarier to have a liar and a cheater in your life? Just playing devil's advocate.
I always think about the really horrible things that are happening to people around the world, and how marital problems seem so insignificant in comparison. maybe that could be a method of dampening your fear.
