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[Sage4]

Hi May! Yes, it is nice over here. Philosophical. Less judgement. More gentle approach. The insanity of a MLCer really brings out the long term wisdom and sanity of the LBS, so I am grateful to be among these wise people.

I was just reflecting as i read this, though, about your H missing so many birthdays and even a birth!! holy cow!! and yet gets to swan in for a family birthday party after deserting his wife and children and thinks he should get gold stickers for what a great dad he is for being there. It is just gross, honestly. It is a privilege to be in your presence and one he hasn't earned.

You have highlighted an example of my continued enabling. I knew going into the situation that it likely would end up making me feel the way it did, but I thought that he deserved to treated like he was normal, like he was a good dad. But that is not my job anymore. I don't need to make a soft place for him to land right now. He doesn't want to land anywhere, he just wants to stop, get what he needs to feel like father of the year so he can alleviate some of that guilt and shame. But at the expense of a piece of my soul. So nope, no more.

Your H’s bar talk comments reminded me of my XW’s talk, before she went all silent. She told and flaunted her affair before me, the kids, friends, the town. During one of her morning visits, she actually she told me and son that she just had sex with OM 30 minutes ago, so that takes care of the aldutry so we can now get a quick divorce. Sheesh.

I completely forgot about that happening in your sitch, D. How utterly awful. In front of your son, no less. Gross. You are an absolute saint for listening to that and still being the human that you are. ((D))

These MLCers are entitled teens trying to be all confident, brash, bold, and so smug. Yes, there is a lot of sexual innuendo, or outright depictions of their escapades, they like to throw around. Quite a display of immaturity and insecurity when you really look and think about it.

Still, no one really want that around. Especially with children in the room. Of course, crisis people have broken empathy chips, and cannot see things from other people’s perspectives. They do what they feel; consequences, faith, karma will provide the lessons for them to grow up. It takes time.

I wondered after I heard that comment H made 'has he always been like this? Or even worse, is this the real him and I encouraged a more evolved version of him over the course of our M, one that was not authentic to him?'

Let him live with his choices right now. Step aside.

You don’t need to suppress your feelings. They are your’s, it’s ok to feel then. Don’t become consumed by them is all.

I have been working on this so hard. I have been sleeping on my feelings and re-assessing them in the morning which has been a super helpful practice. There was a book that I read as a teenager called Tuesdays with Morrie about a dying man's perspective on life. And something that book taught me that I have carried with me ever since: feel it, and move on.

Kind and cordial is not an act. And neither is compassionate.

My mantra for the day. Thank you D!