- Do not start R talks. (This includes about her infidelity) - GAL (Those that struggle the most do GAL the worst) - Continue to work on self-improvements. (Are you in IC? What books are you reading? How are you trying to become the best Pack_19 possible?) - Detach! You need to be at a place where hearing about her infidelity has no impact on you at all. The fact that it has impacted you means you are still overly attached. - Doing nothing IS doing something. (Do not give into the illusion of action.)
Pack, when you struggle the most, turn back to the DB principles. I am not going to lie, as time goes on the hope continues to dwindle. I am of the belief that someone can always change as long as they are still alive. But you need to be moving on with your life.
Hi Steve! Thanks a lot for your message.
I am going to IC weekly and the one piece of advice I got yesterday was to focus on controlling my impulses and accepting the situation I am currently living. I am re-reading "The way of the superior man" and next on my shelf are NMMNG, "The multiorgasmic man" and "The art of seduction".
Given that I have a good exercise routine established, I am focusing now on the R with my kids, showing more empathy with others, thinking before I speak about what I am about to say and listening actively to those I engage with. My biggest mistakes with W were in not being there for her all the times she tried to tell me how she was struggling and putting myself on her shoes, I am trying to do that now.
No more R or OP talks, understood.
Detachment is the subject I keep failing, I am going to use the same mindset I used for the exercise routine, make it a daily goal.
I guess at some level doing nothing felt like giving up, I did not have a beginners mindset here. Inaction about M or D and focusing on myself are my current priorities.
It is very hard to walk away because when I do she spits out more fire and threats, IC gave me advice on how to impose this boundary and I will work on that.
What I said about what I have been to her was not in a vindictive or arrogant way. I feel very proud I chose her to be the mother of my children despite what is happening now. I know I have failed in many emotional aspects but I also gave her many things even if that was not her love language or interpretation of love. Our R was far from perfect and I am sure it could be much improved or she could have a new one that is better with other person. We have had very hard circumstances in foreign countries and always with a baby next to us ever since we got married. I know I am far from perfect, I am just very tired of being blamed, accused, undermined and ignored as if I had a toxic personality or was a man of little worth. I can be a great friend, father and husband, more so now that I am learning the things I missed out on. I am working now on understanding it is not my duty to maker see anything, my only goal is to be happy again.
Thanks a lot for your support and help. I truly value your messages and time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me 29 W:29 M: 5yrs T:10yrs S:6 yrs S:1 yr BD: "I want a D" 08/09/19 Sep: 10/27/19
