It sounds like this was a $hitty lesson to learn, but also terrific that you were able to parse through what happened, why it wasn't OK, and take from it the ability to set stronger boundaries the next time around. it sounds like he was being a real @ss too... but maybe that is a blessing in disguise, since it probably helped to underscore just how much he's changed and makes it easier. It probably would have been more difficult if he was loving and attentive and then still walked out the door and didn't look back at the end of the evening.
I was just reflecting as i read this, though, about your H missing so many birthdays and even a birth!! holy cow!! and yet gets to swan in for a family birthday party after deserting his wife and children and thinks he should get gold stickers for what a great dad he is for being there. It is just gross, honestly. It is a privilege to be in your presence and one he hasn't earned.
It's nice over here in MLC, btw.
xx M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
