1) All suffering comes from desire. With his brief moment of clarity the other day, you might have gotten your hopes up a bit about this event then his behavior dashed those hopes. Try to have ZERO expectations of him.
2) You are not obligated to include him in any further events like this. He wants to go off, let him experience what the reality of divorce will be like - separate birthdays, separate holidays. Let the reality of his choices slap him in the face now. Don't make it easy on him. So long as he behaves inappropriately, he doesn't deserve to be around your extended family. Don't allow the disrespect.
KML, thank you for your wise words. I really didn't take the apology as a set back for my expectations. Unfortunately, H has boomeranged on me so many times that I know what to expect now (expect nothing).
It was the prolonged exposure that did me in. To see the H in physical form that is emotionally gone.
My Dad has been saying for months: what's best for mama, is best for the kids. And this recent birthday made me finally understand it. That it is not in my kids' best interest for me to be emotionally devastated for days, even if I am being discreet. That he chose to leave because it was 'best for him and therefore best for the kids'. So why can't I show the same boundary? And to be honest, he has missed many, many, many birthdays over the years (including a birth) for the sake of his career, so it is not like the kids have a huge expectation of his presence anyway. Thank you for the additional reminder that it is OK to do what is best for me.
