Trying to keep hope

[ovrrnbw]

Over,

I just read through your sitch.

First off, Kudos to you man. You showed a lot of strength throughout that and what you went through was ALOT.

I noticed that while your wife was still seeing OM, you did have contact with her. You didn't pursue and there were times you ignored her but there were other times where you saw her and did have conversations with her. I know my sitch is a bit different because me and W are actually separated but do you think those interactions with wife, talking to her, giving her opportunities to talk to you and not shutting her out completely when she pursued you helped with recon?

I did pursue many times, I admit it. I got better at not doing it as time went on. In many ways, I was "separated" from my wife. She came home to do laundry or other crap from time to time.

It is really hard to say if those convos were good. In a way they were, b/c I was looking good and doing better. But I wasn't detached so it got ugly sometimes too. I would go out and about with friends and to the social scene more if I had to do it again. It was always a confidence booster to have women approach me or smile and look away to get my attention. I think those were the moments where I started to turn mentally and I began to realize my own value.

Now I see that your W brought up recon....

I second Ginger's advice, just don't make yourself seem overly available.

I would just play things cool and go back to what works. Always always always do what works. Be cold and logical, not emotional about it. Stick to your guns. She'll actually be more attracted to you if you do. Think about that. You tell her no, she gets mad, and she likes that because you are showing confidence and emotional strength. Don't be a wannabe "alpha male". Be you in every step and every word, be comfortable with what you are and what you do.

I,

If you love her unconditionally like you say you do then support her even if she’s with the OM and that makes her happy.

Just as long as your ok having blue balls and being in the friend zone.

Totally inappropriate in my opinion. This guy is going through probably the hardest thing in his life and you use this phrase?

Obviously you care, you're here helping out in a very noble way, so I don't get it.

I think there is a way to love unconditionally and let go of the outcome while still hoping for the best and staying out of the friend zone. Not to mention Indy isn't that far in to his sitch so I think we all get what he is going through.