Anger is just a stage. It is real. And it does pass.
We all need a certain level of understanding to let go, to move forward.
Consider, a while ago you were not angry. H hasn’t really changed his behaviours. So why all the anger? It’s a step towards acceptance. What were you not “accepting” before? What were you denying? You are seeing something and you’re righteously mad.
Denial protects us until we can process more emotions from our situation. As our fog lifts, we see more, feel more, get angry, bargain, become depressed, and final accept. More and more pieces of our situations reveal themselves and we repeat; each cycle getting easier.
What were you denying? Well that’s the trick. You don’t know, you were in denial. Patience, it will reveal itself as you progress. Have faith in the process. It does work! You will heal. You can emerge from this, the best version of yourself, strong, secure, forgiving, happy.
Focus on you and daughter. Treat H as a roommate. Be cordial. Detached and indifferent. Look to your beliefs, not your emotions.
Originally Posted by PLC
Is this just me being petty? Or is it ok to live in the anger a bit.
Of course you can live in the anger a bit. You need to work through it, so you have to live it. Just don’t let it consume you. You do control you, don’t forget.
Originally Posted by PLC
I want to stand, but do I have to stand nicely?
You can do whatever you want. It’s your choice. Your benefits and your consequences.
My advice: Kind and cordial, begets far less regrets. So yes, stand nicely. And by the way, that advice is really for you, much more than for H.
Kind and cordial is hard to do when you are seeing red. Shoot for pleasant indifference when dealing with H. You can go punch the stuffing out of a punching bag after.
I imagine this all feels rather surprising. Suddenly such anger. It’s ok, perfectly normal. It shall pass, in time.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
