Separated 11 wks, WAH wants to reconcile (part 4)

[Pommy99]

Hello all, Help!!

Things have been painfully slow with H, but reasonably positive. I've had my moments of upset, I've been trying to stop over-analyzing everything that is or isn't happening. I actually have found myself in quite a good place for the last 5-6 days.

Until today. I walked in the room and took H by surprise. The text he was writing was quickly swiped off screen. I asked him why he was acting like he had something to hide. He told a few lies (that he was emailing) but I knew from the screen it was not email. I asked for his phone and he got very agitated.

To cut to the chase, he was texting EAP. He deleted the texts before I asked for his phone. Apparently, EAP contacted him today to tell him she has cancer.

Obviously I'm not that much of a heartless b1tch to not feel sorry for anyone who has cancer. But I am soooo angry that H couldn't tell me she had reached out. And I said if he had nothing to hide there was no reason to delete the texts. He said she asked him not to tell anyone. I said "and that includes me? you're loyal to her but not to me?".

Of course I also don't believe that these texts only started today but I cant prove otherwise. I kindly asked him to be transparent and show me his next reply and everything that comes in from her.

But now he is all mopey - doesn't know what to do, it's someone he cares about (bleugh) AND she has cancer. And she was there for him when he was unhappy. I said "You had an AFFAIR", but apparently that doesn't take away the fact that he cares (present tense) about her.

I am so angry that he didn't protect himself from her reaching out ((((May!!!!))) . We had this discussion weeks ago - I asked him how he was going to protect himself from her reaching out to him for support (e.g. hey I miss our chats, or hey my H and I are splitting up). But I didn't expect her to throw this one at him.

What do I do? If he had been transparent I would not be so angry, but it's the fact he's hidden it from me, then removed all the evidence, then lied about who he was chatting to. If it was THAT innocuous then there was nothing to hide, right?

What should I do peeps? I want to kick him out, and I probably would if it was anything other than she's dropped the C bomb on him and he says he doesn't know what to do.