I was away for a few days visiting my parents. Coming home to H and my family felt so good. I missed him. He missed me. Not just because he said so multiple times, but he showed it. It was nice.
While I was away, something was on my mind about H. It was festering, and I knew it could potentially be a difficult topic to discuss with H. I was fearful of how he would respond. I bebated about waiting until our next MC session. I was filled with such anxiety about it, so I decided to broach it over an early morning phone call. We disussed it at length, and I was so glad we did. We really seem to be able to communicate in a way we never did before, and both of us finished the convo feeling good about it. It left me also feeling hopeful about the direction all of this is going.
Originally Posted by DnJ
I am curious. Do you forgive H?
Your timing of this question was amazing, DnJ. My podcast the day you posted it was on forgiveness, and how it doesn’t mean you give a free pass to someone.
But to answer your question, I forgave H long ago. It was necessary to get to where I am today. I could not have healed if I was still carrying that burden, and H and I certainly couldn’t have started the process of reconciliation if I have not yet forgiven him. I would be blocked from addressing important issues in a healing, productive way. I would be filled with anxiety and resentment. I would be unhappy, feeling unsettled. Forgiveness opened the door to let all of that go. When anxiety or doubt do rear their ugly head, I wonder sometimes if I have truly forgiven him. I believe I have, and that those thoughts could very well be satan’s attacks to try to interfere with true reconciliation. I believe God’s will is what will prevail. HE has allowed me to forgive to open the door for whatever HE has in store for me, and my marriage.
H and I in the short 3 weeks he has been home have addressed a few very difficult things, and we navigated it, IMO, lovingly, with understanding, and coming out both feeling validated and heard. It’s amazing that in this short time, we have probably had more emotional intimacy than the previous 29 years.
We have a ways to go for sure, and H has a ways to go individually. The road will be bumpy without a doubt. Only God knows where I will be in 1, 3 or 5 years. But I’m ready for the journey.
I continue to be uplifted by the friendship with, and the concern and advice from, the wise people on this board that have navigated this journey before me.
