I still today have so much anger. I don’t know if it was the money that tipped me over, or if it is just time, (16 months) or if I am just ready to drop the rope whole heartedly.
I realize it felt so good to tell someone of H’s goal for a D, although I was met with a “I am so sorry you are dealing with things” that made me sad for a moment, but more of feeling of extreme anger. I am considering telling others. I don’t feel like crying, I feel more anger at how this 57 yo man would blow up his and our lives.
This weekend, I GALed as best I could with smoke air and Covid restrictions. I don’t know what he did or where he is right now. Our D25 and I ordered dinner and we didn’t even ask if he wanted any, I didn’t feel awkward not asking either.
I have some consultations this week to see what I am liable for and H and I will have a discussion. My heart wants to stand, but right now as he is in the middle of this second OW I am just running out of steam and THAT is what makes me sad.
