It's been a week since I emailed X offering to start the increased time schedule immediately. He replied to say he hoped to have a response by the end of last week. Crickets so far... I'm a bit on edge waiting for a response so hopefully by posting about it here, the universe will deliver.
S2 has been really difficult. It could just be toddler problems, but it coincides with the weekend X took him away. I can't get him to stay in bed. Normally we do our bedtime routine and he'll pop out of his room once or twice with a big cheeky grin before talking himself to sleep. Now it's taking over two hours of screaming and crying, clinging and following me around, wanting me to lie with him until he falls asleep, waking up in the middle of the night and coming into my bed. He has always been an excellent sleeper as I made sure to instill good sleep habits when he was an infant. It's been hard for me, I'm really tired, but I've relaxed my firm boundaries a little since he seems to be struggling and needs comfort.
He's talking about conceptual things like family, love, home etc and obviously processing a LOT:
"I feel angry at dad" "I really don't want to go to dad's house" "I'm scared that dad's taking me away" "It's just dad and OW and S2 at dad's house, not mama" "Dad doesn't give me kisses and cuddles"
I've just listened and empathised and tried not to influence his feelings in any way other than to reassure him.
"Do you love me at home?" Yes, I do. "Do you love me at daycare?" Yes, I do. "Do you love me at dad's house?" Yes, I do. "Do you love me when I'm asleep?" Yes, I do. I love you even when you can't see me.
That last one sparked so many questions that I had to shut it down altogether. Funny kid.
It's like parenting a teenager in some ways.
"Stop talking!" "Leave me alone please!" "I want to be by myself" "I'm sad and angry and grumpy" When asked what he needs... "Nothing!" "Don't give me too many kisses!" "I don't love you... (waits for reaction)... I DO love you!" (giggles)
Regardless of the reason for the upset, I feel like he's pushing and testing to make sure that I'm still here, still consistent, still loving etc. Which of course I am and always will be. It's hard, though, to feel like I'm sharing my son with someone who is actively unparenting him. I have never been against X having S2 overnight (once age-appropriate) despite my misgivings about his parenting. I just wanted it to be respectful of S2's needs in order to prevent this exact situation from happening. And I know in the long run it'll be fine and S2 will be fine. The last two weeks have just been hard for us both.
