It’s a cool morning here with a clear blue sky. And in a rarity, not a breath of wind. The leaves are turning colour and the grass has slowed its growth considerably. I hope your day is well too.
We all touch the hot stove at first, sometimes repeatedly.
Don’t chase the squirrel. W needs time and space too hopefully realize you are not the cause of her pain and torment. She also needs to feel she lost you. And a good way to do that - live a good and full life. There is no manipulation of her journey; it’s all about your’s.
I am a big proponent for accuracy; accuracy in thought and heart. Seeing things accurately pushes back denial and ensure one’s efforts are working towards the desired affect. For example:
Originally Posted by Taz
I did send her a short email “Thinking about you a lot today, hope you are well”.
This is accurate and factual. It’s honest and true. You were thinking about her, without doubt.
Originally Posted by Taz
Probably shouldn’t have done this but I just wanted to acknowledge that I remembered the importance of the date and was thinking of her.
You can acknowledge the date without telling her.
Accuracy: You wanted her to acknowledge the date. You wanted her to remember. You wanted her to feel the importance that you felt.
It’s ok, perfectly normal. Seeing your intentions clearly will allow you to alter them, and increase your success because you are working on what is actually going on inside you.
You know this. You state, you probably shouldn’t have done this but... Everything after “but” is inaccurate justification for doing what you knew was a poor choice. Been there man, it is a tough place to get through.
We all want validation and acknowledgment. She isn’t the one to go to for that right now. She needs time and space.
Don’t worry about this, pretty much anything you do won’t really affect W’s path. It does affect your’s however. Learning and moving forward. Now, there’s an accurate statement!
With all that being said, when W reaches out again - be Taz, a man only a fool would leave.
As has been wisely said already, lead an amazing life and don’t be plan B.
How does that ^^^ fit in with the advice that you shouldn’t send the email about the anniversary? If you and W are to reconnect/reconcile it will be a new relationship. Now, don’t misread and get ahead of this, go slowly. Really slowly.
If/when she wants to see you or speak with you. I would. Fit her into your schedule where you can and want too. However, think new. This is a new R. Brand new. A meeting would be like a first coffee date to see if this person is some crazy stalker or someone you’d like to see again. Keep your history out of it. It’s a somewhat starting over mindset.
That may seem disingenuous and not accurate. Might look like sweeping everything under the rug, it’s not. MLCers walk an irrational path. For the time being W is not living fully in the present moment and has purposefully forgotten/ignored most of your shared history. She is a lost teen, which you and others have actually seen. For her those resentments from 25 years ago are not; they are yesterday. An emotional crisis is time travel for the addled mind. They relive their past, desperately running, and needing to grow up from it.
If her journey takes her through her crisis and she emerges, she and her history will come back slowly. It is then that things can be discussed. That is a long way away. Be patient. You’ve got the gift of time, use it wisely.
By the way, all this advice and suggestions are for you. Never forget you are the most important person in this equation. Find your values and beliefs, strengthen those you want, alter or discard those you don’t, and live them. Stand for them. Stand for you.
This path you are on is a long road, and you will live your convictions and beliefs. Feeling do flit. It is deep held beliefs that one’s strength and will comes from. Be very accurate in examining your values. Become the best version of you.
I hope your day is a bright one.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
